bandung lautan idealisme part II

mlm itu hujan deras mengguyur bandung dengan sejuta pesonanya,


hohoMan : laper bgt ni gw nyet, makan yu

yoBoy : ayo Man, et dah mo kemana lo rapih amat..

hohoMan : gw mau gereja nyet, ntr anterin gw ya ke gereja..


yoBoy pun mencari korek di kamarnya yg berantakan kyk kandang babi di bom,
take a really deep breath of his ciggarette, dan menatap komputernya kembali.
menatap wallpaper seorang pria tersenyum tanpa beban, dengan tulisan kecil di bawahnya : aswethinkweis. bahkan dia pun ga ngerti apa artinya, tapi toh dia membiarkan ambiguitas itu menjadi sebuah senyuman. Seenggaknya buat dia, dan hohoMan
playing on foobar2000 : padi - sobat

bandung lautan idealisme part I

di suatu hari yg cerah delima,
hiduplah seorang anak muda baru lulus esema yg dapet kuliahan di bandung.
kata temennya SiBudakBandung sih enak bgt tinggal di bandung.

enak loh disini adem, cewenya cakep2 lg coi,
mana ce cakepnya mao naek angkot lg, di jakarta mah ora ada, ya pan ?
makanannya enak2 murah2, kaga jauh2 amat lg dari kota pinggiran jakarta rumah lo itu
barang bentaran ada tol langsungbandung jadi gampang bgt lo bisa bolak balik bantaran 3 jam

dan jadi lah doi mendadak bandung..
membawa mimpi dan harapan orang tuanya.
menyerahkan masa depan anaknya di di pundak labilnya yg rapuh.

to be continue...ngantuk berat -___-

skip aja tulisan ga penting ini

hufff lama jg gw ga ngeblog,
mungkin karna ujan di bandung yg bikin gw tidur mulu, cap tikus maenan baru gw,
ato hidup gw yg lumayan membaik kemaren2 ini......

ga tau kenapa, blog gw ini isinya tulisan2 gelap kyk gini semua..
ga tau kenapa, kalo mood gw lagi bagus gw ga pernah sekalipun kepikiran untuk ngeblog lg..
ga tau kenapa, gw ga bisa nulis blog kalo ada orang lain yg liat tulisan gw sebelum gw post..
ga tau kenapa, gw susah bgt buat curhat ke orang. even gw idup 24 jam sama dia.
ga tau kenapa, tulisan gw self centered bgt, kritik kentang buat gw gigit sendiri..
dan ga tau kenapa ga tau kenapa yg berentet rentet rentet rentet ga tau kenapa..

tapi gw tau. internet tempatnya pengecut, at least buat gw.
lokalisasi kepengecutan gw atas hidup gw.
kuliah gw. shit.
kapan mo lulus bego ?

"gw bangun jam setengah 8, dan gw harus kuliah jam 8.
daripada gw mikirin kenapa gw telat bangun, kenapa gw ga bisa tidur semalem, aduh kalo gw mandi telat lg nih; berangkat ga ya ? apa nitip absen aja ya ? dan gw larut dlm pikiran gw.
mending gw langsung mandi trs berangkat kuliah..."
(dia yang tak boleh disebutkan namanya- bukan ped*y kok)

dah ah, mudah2an ini terakhir kali gw bikin posting gelep bener kyk gini.

next post : bandung undercover

sebuah catatan apatis

hadooohhh...
bangun pagi, berangkat ke kampus, ngobrol ngobrol ngobrol ngobrol di kampus,
padahal dlm hati..
gw deg2an.
hari ini hari penentuan koordinator divisi acara emotion,
sesuatu yg gw pengenin bgt..sebuah goal tersendiri buat gw.
dimana kreasi lo, hasil buah pikiran dan kerja keras lo dinikmati ratusan bahkan ribuan orang,
dimana kreatifitas lo dan pengorbanan lo jadi sebuah kenangan buat banyak orang,
dan membuat mereka merasakan sensasi gokil yang ga bakal mereka lupain :
satisfaction

dan bagi gw, jadi koor divisi acara emotion itu penting bgt.
its like adrenalin. the pain is such a sudden rush for me.
the glory, and the pride.
its about being somebody, or nobody..

and after three-failure-in-a-row to reach my goal, finally.........

i failed.
gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal, gagal......................
gw terus ngulangin kata2 itu dalam hati, sampe gw lupa apa artinya gagal.
its four-failure-in-a-row !!! 4 kegagalan berturut-turut.
4 kata gagal berderet.
4 kali gw kehilangan rasa percaya diri gw, 4 kali gw ngerasain rasanya kalah.
and im thinking ? whats wrong with the people ???
have they lost their nuts ? even a prick can decide better than that !!
hahaha..even my inner voice mocking me, even my pets mocking me.
my molurus python peeing and poo in my room's carpete. shit.
i hit the bottom.
crushed, i keep my eyes open but it blurry..
my world spinning upside down, my inner voice laughing on my failure....
geez, whutta life huh ?!

come to think of it, its not the people..
its not them that make me feel this way!
its not my miss-im-too-busy-enjoying-my-very-beautiful-life-to-call-or-write-my-ex-boyfriend,
its not my buddy, its not the meth, not the grass, not the alcohol.....
its me.

it is this half-alive-half-a frog-and-a-little bit of-anger,pride,perspective-human being.
that thought the world is created to be so hard to survive.
he even thought he has to be harder to reach his goal, his pride and his glory.
manipulate peoples, tricking and pretending,
to keep his value high. to keep his social state still in their place.
he thought with his mind he is the one that will conquer the world.
he thought the world will be better if it spinning in his way.
the way that he want to..
and he hits the bottom,
he failed.

but,
he never quit.
winner never quit, quiter never win.
and right now,
he is laughing in the face of his failure..
maybe he is an egoist and selfish jerk for those who dont understand.
a freak idealist, he dont see this world like you do.
he walk through his life without apologies.
because he knows,
he is the one.

Hi, my name is : METHAMPHETAMINE

" I AM METH "

I destroy homes, I tear families apart, I take your children and that's just the start. 

I'm more valued than diamonds, more precious than gold. 

The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. 

If you need me, remember I'm easily found. I live all around you in school and in town. 

I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live just down the street and maybe next door. 

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think: I can be made under the kitchen sink, in your child's closet, and even in the woods. 

If this scares you to death, then it certainly should. 

I have many names, but there's one you will know best, I'm sure you've heard of me. 

My name is Crystal Meth. 

My power is awesome, try me you'll see: But if you do you may never break free!! 

Just try me once and I might let you go. But if you try me twice then I'll own your soul. 

When I posses you, you'll steal and you will lie, 

You'll do what you have to do, just to get high. 

The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasures you feel in my arms. 

You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad. 

When you see their tears you must feel sad. 

Just forget your morals and how you were raised. I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways. 

I take kids from their parents, I take parents from their kids. I separate friends. 

I turn people from God. 

I'll take everything from you your looks and your pride. 

I'll be with you always right from by your side. 

You'll give up everyhting, your family, your home, your money, your true friend, then you'll be alone. 

I'll take and take till you have no more to give. 

When I finish with you, you'll be lucky to live. 

If you try be warned this is not a game, 

If I'm given the chance I'll drive you insane. 

I'll ravage your body, I'll control your mind, I'll own you completely. 

Your soul will be mine. 

The nightmares I'll give you when you're lying in bed. 

And the voices you'll hear from inside your head, the sweats, the shakes, and the vision you'll see: 

I want you to know these things are gifts from me. 

By then it's to late, and you'll know in your heart. That you are now mine and we shall not part. 

You'll regret that you tried me (they always do), but you come to me, not I to you. 

You knew this would happen. Many times you were told. But you challenged my power. 

You chose to be bold. 

You could have said no and walk away, If you could live that day over now, what would you say? 

My power is awesome, as I told you before, I can take your life and make it so dim, and sore. 

I'll be your master and you'll be my slave. I'll even go with you when you go to your grave. 

Now that you've met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It's all up to you. 

I can show you more misery than than words can tell. 

Come take my hand, let me take you to hell.

whatever you called it,

Glass, ice, crystal, crank, speed, shabu, Nazi dope, annie’s dope, annie, poor man's cocaine, yaba, ubi, ubas, putih, nyelem, blubuk-blubuk, berenti makan, i'll tell u sumthin :

it feels really good.

ini bukan curhat!! the 2nd

gw abis baca blognya temen gw..
postingnya yah ga jauh2 deh dari makhluk yang satu itu..
makhluk yang jadi inspirasi gw buat nulis blog yang lg lo baca ini.

anyway....
gara2 baca blog temen gw..
gw jadi inget mantan gw gara2 gw ngerasa keadaan gw hampir mirip kyk dia,
( huff..wutta life huh?! sometimes i think coincidence means the world is cheatin' on me..)

ada satu hal di pikiran gw yang bikin gw ga bisa (atau belum bisa) kehilangan dia.

"how many times until she kiss another man ?"

damn, i keep rolls that shit around and around my head,
well, sebenernya gw jg lg menikmati ke-jombloan gw ini..
menikmati kebebasan gw..dalam hal apapun.
but thinkin bout she is kissing another man is really pissed me off..!!

i know it sounds like a wussy..
a coward and frustated chump.
i know it sounds like an alcoholic half animal half man.
i know it maybe sounds like :
you

but im just a human!!
i cant defy my heart.
even we hate to admit it, even we tryin' so hard,
human cant defy the time and must face their cruellest nightmare :

reality

and when that shitty times come and i must face it,
i'll :


i dunno...
shit..what should i do ???

mahe + baba =

heii hooo..

tadi malem gw abis nonton wall-e sama temen2 kampus gw.
well, gw kira itu film buat anak bocah..tapi,
damn......menyentuh bgt filmnya, bahkan buat orang barbar seperti gw, yah walaupun mnurut gw endingnya..........

well, sekilas tentang film wall-e
Lo bayangin, lo idup di kota super instan..Ganti baju aja tinggal pencet.
Lo ga perlu jalan kaki, ga perlu nyetir mobil, lo disediain kursi yang bisa bergerak kemanapun lo mau. Kerja ? lo ga perlu kerja, satu2nya jabatan disana cuma kapten kapal, sisanya dikerjain robot.
gw dan rekan sedarah sepemalasan sama gw langsung bilang "wah, gw mau tuh tinggal disitu!!"
all u got there is pleasure, Forever.

tapi lo harus tau,
Orang2 di kapal surga pemalas itu memutuskan untuk pulang ke bumi.
hahhaa, orang2 itu ga tau bumi kayak gmn..
Gw pernah baca di blognya siapaaa gt, (gw lupa haha...)
dia bilang gini "we are already died, this world is our hell..!!"
mungkin kalo waktu mereka mendarat, tu orang bakal datengin mereka dan bilang :
Welcome to hell, the good news is..
now we are Hell-mates..!!

mungkin orang itu ga tau,
dunia yang kita tinggalin ini, tempat panas, macet, sumpek, dimana lo ga bisa dapetin semua yang lo mau, tempat dimana lo harus banting tulang, saling sikut2an tiap hari buat bertahan hidup,
serusak apapun dunia yang lo liat, seancur apapun, even if the world feels so wrong,
lo harus tau,
ada sesuatu yang membuatnya tetap hidup dan berputar..

are you kiddin' me ?
u mean, errr.. if i have that thing, i can keep the world alive ?
yea, you can even smoke that weed tomorrow..!! but keep it for now, im done..
i cant finish this post if i smoke more than this'..!!
alrite mate..now tell me, what is it ?
well, it just a simple word :



h o p e

alrite, you've done your post rite ? here, its your turn...
eeew, crap.....

bukan curhat!!

huff.....
sekali nulis jadi pengen nulis lagiiiii...

well ini bukan curhat ya, cuma penumpahan isi hati gw aja(hahaha yah apalah you-name-it)

hmmm...jadi gini nih, (cailah..)
lo percaya ga sama love at first sight ?
waktu lo liat dia, dunia lo terasa berhenti..
jantung lo berhenti berdetak sepersekian detik..
semua suara, orang-orang, jadi background lo, mereka seperti menghilang untuk sesaat..
semua jadi blur, cuma dia yang jadi fokus lo,
and your heart says "she's the one"

well, mungkin ga semua orang pernah ngerasain ini.
kalo menurut gw, hal ini terjadi karena hati lo nangkep impulse yang matrix,
impulse yg ga keliatan tapi dia ada. dan hati lo bereaksi.
(you cant take it! its a trigger of an emotion!!)
well emang itu sebuah sensasi yang luar biasa buat gw,
akhirnya gw coba untuk mempercayakan semuanya ke insting gw and..........................

we did it,
gw menjalin hubungan yang cukup lama untuk saling mengenal satu sama lain.
5 tahun sekian bulan mungkin hanya sebuah bilangan, ato mungkin sebuah jalan..
kalo lo percaya ada dunia paralel, dimana ketika lo dihadapkan ke sebuah pilihan
(well life is all about choice rite ??) dan lo membuat keputusan A,
maka ada diri lo yang memilih pilihan yang B dan dia berjalan di dunia sendiri,
dunia yang lo buat karena lo membuat keputusan B.

anyway..........
gw memilih untuk menghabiskan 5 tahun sekian bulan dari hidup gw dengan dia,
share our stories, share our smile, our tears, caring each other, and hurt each other..
well, mungkin ada gw lain di dunia paralel sana yang memilih untuk tetap
melakukan konsep koleksi, seleksi, dan resepsi dan terus bergonta-ganti pasangan.
tapi mungkin gw yang disana ga bakal kenal lo, ga bakal nulis di blog ini, atau mungkin dirumahnya lagi makan five-star (halah udah ngaco nih)

well, gw ga menyalahkan keputusan2 dalam hidup gw..
gw yang sekarang ada karena hasil dari seluruh pilihan dan keputusan yang gw ambil.
i walk thru my life without apologize..(and i hope u too..)

dan buat oknum "love at first sight" gw,
mungkin dia ga tau..
mungkin dia ga baca tulisan ini..
tapi, yang penting lo tau.

gw bersyukur gw bisa menghabiskan hari2 gw bersama dia,
mengisi hari2 gw dengan kisah hidupnya, cintanya dan senyumnya..
dan kalau emang cerita kita berakhir sampai di sini,

biarlah gw di dunia paralel sana yang meneruskan cerita kita..


sincerely yours,
mahe.

welcome to my la-la-land

arrrrghhhhhhh........ 1st post gw.

gw butuh comment dan feedbacknya, gw masih noob soal blogging :)

hmmm...bingung mau ngmg apa,

yang jelas hari ini gw bangun dari tidur gw abis ber blubub-blubub dan berngablu ria sama temen2 gw,
jalan2 ke jatinangor tanpa tujuan didopingi oleh permen karet, kratingdaeng, dan marlboro lights,
gw dan temen2 gw memulai perjalanan super ngablu dan super ga jelas gw..
muter2 ga jelas dan berakhir ngobrol ga jelas di CK dago sampe matahari terbit!! (pulang jg gara2 pada takut matahari)

yang seru, karena kita lg "mental disordered" alias dalam keadaan unconsious akibat UdanG jadi supaya ngobrolnya jelas dan topiknya selesai,
kita yg lg skip-skip ini buat sebuah "korek pembicaraan"
jadi yang megang korek itu aja yg bisa ngomong
alhasil, semua rebutan buat megang korek itu buat ngeluarin apa yang ada di kepala

anyway.....

perjalanan td mlm itu perjalanan transisi gw,
gw udah menyelesaikan some shit that buggering me a lot..
dan berkat korek pembicaraan, temen2 gw yg lg cerewet dan "tau segalanya"
gw dapet conclusion dari hal yang gw alamin selama ini..

sumpah ini bukan gombal, cuma kadang2 manusia kan harus mengkrtisi hidupnya sendiri (kata siapa yah?, gw lupa...)!!!
ya cara mengkritisinya itu tergantung yg mpunya hidup
well, i guess its time to critize myself..
ini bukan tentang seseorang, atau apapun, ini tentang hidup gw..
hidup gw yang berantakan ini, gw survive dengan prinsip hidup yang gw pegang teguh,

dan buat mereka dan lo semua yang datang dan berlalu dalam hidup gw, bilang ke semua orang dan diri lo sendiri, terutama orang berpikiran sempit dan skeptis :

how many times i fall, i will keep stronger and stronger.
and if you tryin' to break me, think again.
cuz i'll :

LAUGH ON YOUR FACE.